Self-Deprecating
34 bits
“Keep 'em high and tight, Mommy.”
Jeans Up High and Tight
Tom Segura
Your Mom's House Podcast / Various Specials
“I still do, but I used to, too.”
I Used to Do Drugs
Mitch Hedberg
Mitch All Together, 2003
“It's like a religion, except the religion is about jeans and farts.”
Mommy Language
Tom Segura
Your Mom's House Podcast / Sledgehammer, 2023
“Your body just goes, 'We're shutting down.' And you're like, 'I didn't agree to this.'”
Death and Dying
Tom Segura
Mostly Stories, 2016
“I'm not a pessimist. I'm an optometrist. I see things clearly.”
Out to Lunch
Mark Normand
Out to Lunch, YouTube, 2020
“My body's a temple. Unfortunately, it's one of those temples in a war zone.”
Soup to Nuts - Joke Machine
Mark Normand
Soup to Nuts, Netflix, 2023
“My apartment is so small, I have to go outside to change my mind.”
New York City Survival
Mark Normand
Various specials and late-night appearances
“Comedy is the only job where your commute is longer than your workday.”
Tuesdays with Stories
Mark Normand
Tuesdays with Stories podcast, 2013-present
“Dating apps are just online shopping for people.”
Dating in the Modern Era
Mark Normand
Various specials and appearances
“Comedy!”
Comedy!
Mark Normand
Various appearances and social media
“She asked me if the earth was round or flat and I had to think about it.”
Full Circle
Nate Bargatze
The Greatest Average American, Netflix, 2021
“My dad's a magician. Which sounds cool until you realize it means we were poor.”
The Magic Show
Nate Bargatze
The Tennessee Kid / Various specials
“The middle seat is punishment. God looked at your life and said, 'Middle seat.'”
The Airplane
Nate Bargatze
Various specials
“I got in an argument about the economy. I don't know what the economy is.”
Hello World - We're Dumb
Nate Bargatze
Hello World, Netflix, 2023
“I'm the most boring person from the most exciting state.”
The Greatest Average American
Nate Bargatze
The Greatest Average American, Netflix, 2021
“Gorilla Glue is for when you've given up on doing things correctly.”
SNL Monologue - Gorilla Glue
Nate Bargatze
Saturday Night Live, October 2023
“We didn't have money, but we had each other. Which is what poor people say.”
Regular People
Theo Von
Regular People, Netflix, 2021
“Being sober is like being in a relationship with yourself that you didn't ask for.”
Addiction and Recovery
Theo Von
This Past Weekend podcast / Various specials
“My mama didn't play. She was the mama that ate the cookies and dared you to say something.”
My Mama
Lavell Crawford
Various specials and appearances
“I didn't sneak in here. There was no element of surprise.”
Being a Big Man
Lavell Crawford
Various specials and appearances
“My character has more fans than I do. Huell's winning.”
Huell Babineaux
Lavell Crawford
Various specials and interviews
“I lost 120 pounds. That's a whole person. There's someone missing from this country.”
The Weight Loss
Lavell Crawford
New Look Same Funny!, Netflix, 2019
“I came from seven years of nobody watching. That's where I came from.”
Last Comic Standing
Lavell Crawford
Various specials and appearances
“I don't get no respect. When I was born, the doctor slapped my mother.”
I Don't Get No Respect
Rodney Dangerfield
Various Tonight Show appearances / It's Not Easy Bein' Me, 1986
“My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.”
My Wife
Rodney Dangerfield
Various Tonight Show appearances
“When I was a kid my parents moved a lot. But I always found them.”
My Childhood
Rodney Dangerfield
Various performances
“I told my doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to stop going to those places.”
My Doctor
Rodney Dangerfield
Various performances
My Grandmother
Anthony Jeselnik
Caligula, 2013
“The dentist is the only professional who can legally make you feel bad about yourself while you're lying down.”
Dentist
Hannibal Buress
Animal Furnace, 2012
Aging in Hollywood
Nikki Glaser
Someday You'll Die, 2024
Why Am I Fat?
Shane Gillis
Beautiful Dogs, 2023
“Last time I gave a urine sample there was an olive in it.”
I Drink Too Much
Rodney Dangerfield
It's Not Easy Bein' Me, various performances
“I was so ugly, when I was born the doctor slapped my mother.”
My Looks
Rodney Dangerfield
Various performances, 1970s–2000s
Back to School
Rodney Dangerfield
Various performances, 1980s