Steven Seagal Stories

Tom Segura has what can only be described as a scholarly fascination with Steven Seagal. Not Seagal's movies—those are beside the point. What captivates Segura is the mythology Seagal has constructed around himself, a mythology so divorced from observable reality that it becomes a kind of performance art.

The bit is structured as a research presentation. Segura has done his homework. He's watched the interviews, read the profiles, compiled the claims. And what he's found is extraordinary.

Seagal claims he was a CIA operative. He claims he's a reincarnated Buddhist lama, specifically the reincarnation of a sacred figure, recognized by actual Buddhist authorities (who were, Segura notes, definitely not paid). He claims he taught Anderson Silva, one of the greatest MMA fighters ever, how to kick—a claim Silva has carefully avoided confirming.

"This is a man," Segura marvels, "who has decided that reality is optional."

The impression Segura does of Seagal—the whispered pseudo-mystical pronouncements, the absolute confidence in ridiculous claims—has become a signature bit. But what elevates the material is Segura's genuine wonder. He's not angry at Seagal. He's fascinated. How does someone build this alternate reality? How do they maintain it? What does it feel like inside that delusion?

The bit is comedy as anthropology, studying a specimen who refuses to acknowledge the glass.